August 11, 2020
Today we're going to cover the “About Me” or main section of your dating profile. Each app is a little different, but the suggestions can be applied to all.If you’ve been reading my other posts, you’ve probably already seen some of the following guidelines. They are worth repeating!Guidelines:
This area should contain a few sentences about what makes you unique. Be specific about what you like and what you’re looking for. It's the first section someone will see after your main profile picture – make it count! There’s usually space for a few sentences, use all of the space.
AVOID GENERIC DESCRIPTIONSA lot of people want to cast a wide net, so they’ll keep everything very generic.
Focus on specifics and you’ll be able to attract someone who finds you unique and interesting. There are certain things that resonate with you, and qualities in a person that feel good to you in a relationship. Mention those things. The goal is to get people who are potential matches to start talking to you, not to get hundreds of messages from partial matches. Your ego might enjoy the attention of multiple messages, but ultimately it will be a waste of your time.“I’m just a simple guy who likes sports, working out and tacos. Looking for my partner in crime.”This description is so boring and doesn’t tell your future partner why they should swipe right on you. Also, let’s put a moratorium on “partner in crime,” it’s so overused.“I’m into cars, hiking and travel.”These may be things that you really enjoy but in this format, they really don’t say that much about you as a person and they certainly aren’t going to make your profile stick out in the crowd. “Travel Music Bikes Movies.”This is just a list and a rather boring one at that. Why should someone connect with you?“work ski tennis boat wakesurf golf work more”So this person works and does physical activities in between. What are they looking for? They can’t be bothered to write a complete sentence. Do they even have time for a relationship?DO INCLUDE INFO ON WHAT YOU’RE LIKE AND WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FORPick some things that you’re passionate about and explain a little bit about why. Mention things you like to talk about, how it feels to you when you experience things that you enjoy, the qualities you’re looking for in a partner.
Some examples/starting points:
You don’t need to spell out the full history of your life. You’re giving the person reading your profile a little taste of what you care about, and what it would FEEL like to spend time with you. Use your own words, in your own voice.DON'T EXPLAIN HOW TO USE THE APP OR HOW DATING WORKS
“Just so you know, you have to make the first move on here.”I see this often on Bumble, where the woman has to make the first move. My guess is that the guys who write this are not getting any messages so they assume it must be that everyone else doesn’t know how to use the app. Rest assured, we know how to use the app.“Don’t be shy! Go ahead and send me the first message.”This isn’t particularly inspiring and you’re already trying to tell someone else what they should do. A better way to approach this is speak about how you feel and/or how you act when you get messages:
“I can’t see likes, so you have to send me a message.”I see this a lot on OKCupid, where you need the paid version if you want to see everyone who likes you. However, even with the unpaid version, if someone likes you, the app will put that profile in front of you. And if you like them back, you will both get a notification that it’s a mutual like.DON'T COMPLAIN OR AIR GRIEVANCES
“SWIPE LEFT IF YOU’RE A CATFISH.”“I don’t like wasting time. I like getting straight to the point. We are all busy. If you don’t have the time to put into something, then you shouldn’t start it.”“Passport photos are the worst!”“NO TIME FOR GAMES OR DRAMA.”"If you're superficial and only care about money, then get lost."
Instead of describing what you don’t want, describe what you do want. Your authentic expression of what you are looking for in a positive way will be more appealing to other people. Your profile is not a place to air your grievances. It’s also not the place to USE ALL CAPS. If you’re finding yourself feeling so angry and bitter about prior experiences that you can’t think of anything positive to say, then perhaps you should take some time before jumping back into the dating pool.
You don’t have to be perfectly healed from every relationship to start dating again. Healing is not linear, so it’s unrealistic to expect that, but it will benefit you to be in a place where you’ve let go of some of the stronger emotions from the past, and you feel ready and able to open yourself up to somebody new.
SARCASM – USE SPARINGLY“You could do worse.”“Not a creep… that should suffice for now.”“I speak in mostly full sentences and I have all my teeth.”
I’m a fan of humor, and enjoy reading profiles that show the person’s sense of humor and personality. Light sarcasm about a situation can be great, but self-deprecation, especially as the first impression, isn’t terribly appealing.The examples above were the main sections of each of these profiles, with no other information provided. Maybe these could be funny in response to a prompt in another section, but they aren’t great as the first and/or only thing written on the profile.
Stay tuned for the next installment: Fix Your Dating Profile & Get the Connection You Want! Part 5: How Do I Fill Out the Prompts Sections of My Online Dating Profile?
Want some help? Get support around creating or updating your dating profile with tools you can easily and immediately implement to make your profile magnetically attract your ideal mate and get you the love you desire. Check out the Dating Profile Tune Up.
Learn more about me on my coaching page.Tanya Madoff is an artist, a maker and a coach. She is currently offering a free copy of 8 TIPS TO FEEL MORE CALM CONNECTED & INSPIRED to anyone who signs up for her newsletter. SIGN UP HERE to get your free copy.
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